Was I better off dead?

As I approach the one year anniversary of my nearly successful suicide I can’t help feeling angry at the world. I intentionally overdosed and came very close to dying, but I was saved. However, I didn’t want to be “saved.” I wanted it to be over, most days I still do.

I did my part, I had a good plan everything should have been perfect; I should be dead. Unfortunately a family member stopped by unannounced and changed my fate. I didn’t ask for help, hell, I didn’t want help. Most days I wish they would have let me die, but they didn’t. So I fake a smile and keep going with life.

Remember to smile,
Hipster Harrison

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8 thoughts on “Was I better off dead?

  1. In sorry! I understand! This happened to me also, in 2011 (& another time 2012) i’m doing ‘OK’ now, but still at times wish I wouldn’t have been found, it’s a constant struggle, I wish you well ~ me, I have my Pdoc appointment tomorrow,,,

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  2. I’m thinking of the line in The Incredible’s where the guy tries to sue because he claims: “You didn’t save my life! You ruined my death.” I won’t pretend to know what your daily struggles are, but I can hope for you that some moments however brief you may begin to feel that you are better off alive. I know it’s so cliche, but death is so very permanent (unless you believe in reincarnation) and after dying you would never get to ask yourself that question. You may be suffering so greatly that perhaps it would be more humane to not exist. You have a difficult road ahead. I believe your life is worth living and I hope some small part of you believes that too.

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  3. So I decided to creep your blog site. Glad to have found something real and refreshing. Sorry if this is an old post, and you do not currently feel the same way anymore! I guess I will find out when I get to your recent posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think it was a sign that they dropped by unannounced right at that time. You were meant to live. I can’t claim to know anything about your life, and I understand that sometimes the suffering really doesn’t feel worth it.. I’ve felt that too. But hey, I’m glad you’re alive, you’re still writing and sharing your thoughts. Glad you’re here 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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